A True Confession: I am Afraid ~ TheHealthReverend

Saturday, April 2, 2016

A True Confession: I am Afraid

The time is 7:52 a.m. today is Thursday March 31st.

My name is Sandra Teresa Davenport and I am competent to give this confession.

My Confession: A Post in 621 Words

I am afraid. I am fearful. I am a dreadful malcontent because of this.

It's Just Life in Yet Another Small Town in
Rural NE GA!

This is a confession because most people who know me think I am fearless. They think I can and will do anything. They think it’s really cool that I’ve lived in four states and DC. Really? Not.

The Truth. The Confession.

I am afraid I realized that just yesterday and now I'm writing about it. How very timely this challenge has been. I want to move out of the house where I live. I want to move out of the area where I live. But I'm afraid to move. I am paralyzed. What makes me afraid? Before I was afraid of living in an apartment complex because that's where the “General population” lived. Well, it’s been 30 years or more since I lived in an apartment complex.

I Am Afraid.

I'm afraid I was afraid to move out of the area because I wasn't sure where I wanted to go. I wanted to move out of the country. I wanted to at least move out of the state. But ... I was afraid to get started. I was afraid because I've moved many times in my life and every time I did I had to regroup. That was always horribly disconcerting. It was so difficult that I couldn't even decide if what I enjoyed was worth the effort that I had to put into doing it.

I'm afraid to give get rid of all my material possessions. Not that there's so much of it, but it is my stuff. I'm afraid to have to get somewhere and not know what to do. What does that mean? Not know anybody. Not know where anything is. Not know how to meet people. Having no relatives there.

Relatives are--in many many cases—overrated, in my opinion,. But they still are relatives and they still make you feel like you belong to something. I'm afraid of feeling like I don't belong to anything or I don't belong anywhere. This feeling has always been my constant companion. This feeling is also often referred to as loneliness

Just yesterday I thought that I should perhaps write all these things down that I'm afraid of, look at them and see if I really am afraid of them. Why would I be afraid to move to the city of Atlanta? It’s only an hour’s drive away and I have done it many times. Why would I be afraid to move to a new apartment in the same area where I live? I've done that before.

I am afraid of failure.

I am afraid of seeing myself as a failure again. I'm a senior citizen now. I'm 64 years old. I'm well educated, in good health all kinds of great things but in fact I am a senior citizen. I don't have a lot of money [but ample]. I am positioning myself to make money and the doing of it has enough excitement to it that I know that it will be worthwhile.

So what happened was I did a simple thing: I went to look at a new apartment and it was so fabulous and I got so excited that I was no longer afraid ... for that moment.

That does not change the fact that I am just too, too fearful and that has got to go. It appears that the cure for fear [as worry] is action!

But, yawl know me by now, if it gets too bad, I’ll just have Tea, and so should you!